Monday, August 22, 2011

God's Timing

When I decided to start a blog my main reason was to get all of this stuff that rattles around in my head all day out! So, here's what rattling around today....
I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education, but I often wondered why I have this degree. Well, I know why I have this degree because I chose this path… because I love children, math and reading. I love seeing the sparkle in a child’s eyes when they learn something new or achieve something they didn’t believe they could. I love the thought that I may change a child’s life, or show a child that there is an adult that believes in them! And I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to be a mommy. I want to be home when my kids are home and able to attend their school functions, activities and games. If I listed ALL of the reasons I wanted to teach, we would be here for a while, a long while.
Nonetheless, here I am… with this degree… one year and 3 months out of college, with student loans and UNEMPLOYED!!! When I started my college career with an education major, LWC did not mention I would be an unemployed graduate! This is not what I signed up for!!!
Now, I am left wondering is this God’s way of saying “this isn’t MY choice for your life” or his way of saying “you need more patience.” I don’t know.
I must admit I have enjoyed the last year of substitute teaching. I was able to work a lot of the time, but I was able to say no if I needed to do something else. There were times when we had sick children and I was able to pick them up and stay home with them (which I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to do). It has given me time to sew and work on crafts that I enjoy. I stay caught up on the housework, laundry, getting groceries and paying bills while my husband is at work and the kids are at school so, at night when everyone is home we can just spend time together.
On the other hand, I missed the steady paycheck of having a full time job and I miss feeling like I can financially contribute to the family. I miss having co-workers and a work schedule. I SIMPLY MISS WORKING. I am definitely looking forward to have benefits and retirement, but until then, I will find something to do.
I have been thinking a lot lately that I would love to have my own store, like a craft store. Maybe I could make and sell quilts, or diaper cakes, or signs… it is just an idea…Maybe someday…after retirement ;-)
I am getting ready to start a maternity leave for my sister-in-law in first grade! That’s really exciting. I will have a job for six weeks… in the same place! After that, I am not sure yet. I am considering looking for a job in a bank, daycare, or something around here… or maybe I will just keep subbing….or maybe God will open up a position right where He wants me!
It is terribly hard not to get frustrated with the systems, with college and with God’s timing. And my husband will tell everyone… I do get frustrated. I worked hard for my degree and I have worked hard for over a year trying to prove that I am the best candidate for a teaching job, but I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am not the only teacher without a job. I am not the only student that worked hard for a degree. I am not the only teacher who wants a job…
I may have a degree, I may not have a steady job, everything may not happen in my time when I want it… but there is a bigger plan and I don’t have to understand God’s Time and I have to remember that He has blessed me. So, I think instead of continuing to complain about the job I don’t have, I’ll thank God for the husband, parents, grandparents, children, family and friends I do have! I have a roof over my head, vehicles to drive, and food in my stomach and cabinets and I AM BLESSED.
God, Open the doors for my life as You see fit. Provide me with the knowledge, patience and understanding to find the right job for me and my family in Your time and not mine.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Let me catch you up to speed....

3 years ago I was an Elementary Education Major at college and working 30-40 hours a week at Wal-Mart, newly single and 20 years ago. I was learning to enjoy the college experience some and I had found a few good friends. Then, when I wasn’t looking for anything, one of my friends introduced to me someone that would over the next few months become my VERY best friend, the person I could share everything with and really understood me.... He was a newly divorced father of 4.
Somewhere after we became best friends...We decided to date...which lead to our engagement...which also lead to our marriage!
Yep, I am a newlywed...June 4, 2011 was our date! However, I feel like I have been a step-mom for over 2 years now. Let me explain that a little... When my husband and I decided we were going to date, we had both been through a lot...some good, some bad, but A LOT, nonetheless.... His children had just gone through a divorce and it was very important to both of us that we didn't let people jump in and out of their lives. I KNEW he had 4 children, I knew he had an ex-wife, I knew he had a job and bills and a lot of other things most guys I knew didn't have, but I was fine with all of that. We have had tough times, and REALLY TOUGH times....and a whole bunch of other times that I won't go into detail about, but it works for us... ALL eight of us...
Wait, I said I had a husband and 4 kids...that's six. Uh-huh…But the kid’s mother and her new husband are also a part of all of our lives. OUR kids have 4 parents that LOVE them every much... They have 4 parents that get along, talk and even sit together at their games.
Most of the step-moms I have ever talk to tell me that same thing, "You don't know my husband ex," "You don't understand what this kid did," or "I can't get along with them." However, our situation is probably more complicated than most because my husband’s ex-wife is married to my ex-boyfriend. (Are ya still with me?) So, we all came into this relationship with baggage and probably a little anger. I will not tell you it has been easy, or that we haven't had our arguments and fights. We have all made mistakes, but the four of us have one common goal…The Four Children! They will be our number one priority today, tomorrow, and every day after that! Anything is possible; it just depends on how BAD you want it.
I know our situation is complex, but I think everything happens in God’s Time. I think all of us ended up where God wanted us to be in His time, not ours and everything we have gone through until this point was simply preparation.
I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. My main goal in life since I was little was to “be a mommy” and even though I have not given birth to a child I am still a mom in some ways. I love and treat my husband’s children just like they were mine and I feel like their step-father does too!
Now, three years later, I am a 23 year old wife to my 33 year old husband, a step-mom to Anthony (13), Halle (7), Joshua (6) and Zachary (4). I have my bachelor’s degree in elementary education, I’m working on my Master’s in Special Education, and I am a substitute teacher until I find a job (HOPEFULLY teaching), a maid, cook, taxi, friend, sister, niece, daughter, ALMOST an aunt and I LOVE my life.